By Dr. May Chi – Clinical Psychologist

This morning I sit across from two people I admire greatly. The three of us are trying to do something we’ve never done before. Papers are scattered around the table. Each one contains a good idea. But which idea is the right one? Which one will work for what we need?

I remember being at a conference where one of the Fire and Evacuation Procedures read: Note the location of fire extinguishers and fire hoses. Be sure you know how to use them. I liked the idea. I was confused by the instruction. Knowing something conceptually is not the same as applying it. I know that using a fire extinguisher is a good idea. I don’t actually know how to use a fire extinguisher.

“Let’s role-play my idea,” I suggest. If I can just show them, I’m sure they will understand what I mean.

But of course, reality rarely matches the rule. Our brains are fond of making up rules and then expecting that the world will conform. In these moments, it’s hard to come back to the actual experience of what is happening. I thought my idea would play out smoothly, but there is a difference between knowing where the extinguisher is and being in a fire.

“Let’s try this one.” It’s Josh’s turn to take point.

The real teacher here is experience. Rather than getting caught up in what ‘should’ be, my experience in the role play captured a relational aspect of engagement that my idea alone could not.

The next key here is perspective. Dave, who has been observing until now, says, “I can see how both of these work.” Not should work. Not will work. Just how it does work.

A rolling process of idea, implementation, and observation, forged across different situations, is how we go from knowing about fire extinguishers to actually extinguishing fires.

It’s strange to feel both more certain that something will work, and yet, less sure that I am right. I look from the papers to the people. The lesson isn’t on the table.