By Bronte Maddaford

Let’s be honest — parenting a teenager can knock the confidence out of even the most capable adult. One day, you feel like you’re doing okay, the next, you’re questioning every decision you’ve ever made because your teen has slammed a door, rolled their eyes, or told you that you just don’t get it. If that’s you, you’re not failing, you’re parenting a teen.

Adolescence is a time when young people are trying to work out who they are. They test ideas, opinions, clothes, friendships, and limits. They might suddenly reject things they once loved or push back against values they grew up with. It can feel personal, but most of the time it isn’t. They’re not trying to push you away; they’re trying to find themselves.

Then there’s the part no one warns you about: teens often go backwards before they go forwards. You might notice your teen becoming more emotional, more forgetful, more reactive, or more needy than they were a year ago. Although frustrating, it’s also normal. Their brain is under construction, and during this big growth phase, teens can temporarily slip into younger behaviours, especially when they’re tired, stressed, or overwhelmed.

So, how do you support self-esteem when everything feels chaotic?

Start small. Praise small things, not just big achievements. “Thanks for putting your shoes away, I appreciate that” can make a huge difference to a teen’s day.

Recognise and celebrate effort, not just the outcomes “I noticed you stuck with that, that takes strength, so well done you.” Ask their opinion on everyday things: “What did you think about the decision to ban social media from teens?” Let them talk without jumping in to fix, correct, or teach. Sometimes what they really want is just to be heard. Also, reflect back to them their strong points of argument and let them know that their voice changed your perspective on the issue. Be open to their worldview, even if it is from their limited experience. Keep communication simple. Too many words can feel overwhelming, even if they don’t say it. A calm reminder works better than a lecture — every time.

And here’s a big one: be present in the boring moments. The drive to the shops. Sitting in the car. Walking the dog. Put the phone down. Those moments matter more than the big talks you plan but never quite get to. The more times they see you off your devices, the more likely they are to engage with you in conversation. Your teen might not show it, but you are still their safe place. They don’t need a perfect parent; they need a steady one.

Someone who stays, listens, and reminds them (sometimes quietly) that they are enough, even when they don’t feel like it themselves. And if you’re doubting yourself along the way? That’s okay too. Parenting a teen is hard — and doing it with care already says a lot about the kind of parent you are.

Counselling Compass Australia offers a variety of supports for young people, including Self-Esteem for Teens and Play Therapy for children aged 4-13 years.

For more information, visit the website https://counsellingcompass.com.au/