Written by Kerrie Alexander
The definition of self-love is treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and value.
It’s a choice that involves actions that support your physical, psychological, and spiritual growth.
Hervey Bay’s Kris Blizzard chose self-love four years ago when he walked through the gate of the Bayside Transformations Drug and Alcohol rehabilitation centre.
The Hervey Bay resident hit his final rock bottom after 17 years of battling an Ice (Crystal methamphetamine) addiction.
It was the very last time he was kicked out of his accommodation, after destroying furniture and fighting with the neighbours in a drug-fuelled rage.
Sitting with the well-spoken, confident, and kind 38-year-old you would never imagine that Kris spent about 10 of those 17 years in and out of a drug induced psychosis, unable to leave home for a fear of harm.
“I thought people were out to kill me and I was terrified and violent in defence,” Kris said.
“I was literally scared of my own shadow, and I spent 10 years in and out of that.
“Prison wasn’t part of my journey and mental health wards weren’t either, but it was a miracle that they weren’t.
“Imagine that predicament!”
Kris is transparent about his journey and openly shares his inspiring story with others in the hope that even just one addict might find the strength to make change happen by seeking professional help and guidance.
It’s never too late to get help but you have to really want it, Kris said, beaming with fulfilment that he’s been ‘set free’ of his addiction for four years now.
Kris said his addiction stemmed from being born into “a life of chaos” with parents who were involved with drugs and had traumas of their own that were dealt with by using.
They did their best to give Kris and his sister a good education at a private Lutheran College in Noosa, but the chaotic home life outweighed that good.
“I never knew what I was going home to and being a kid, you should feel safe and secure, but I always went home on edge,” Kris said.
“From as far back as I remember there was parties, fighting and domestic violence between mum and dad, and mum did some jail time when I was about three.
“Mum was the victim of her own trauma and I’m torn saying that side of the story because she has come a long way as well.
“I was a victim of my parent’s addiction and that really affected me growing up. I was a scared and broken kid.”
Kris thought his distorted home life was normal until he started going to other friends’ homes where he witnessed how a functional family lived.
“I realised that my friends had a much more nurturing environment at home, not a home with domestic violence.
“I had no self-worth, no identity, I didn’t love myself and it made me bitter and angry at the world.
“It’s like you are stuck in a victim mentality and it’s impossible to change.
“Yes, I did enjoy partying, but I have learnt now that I was using drugs as an escape to avoid the pain of how I felt about myself. Ice just made that all go away. It was a way to escape.”
Kris did manage to complete Year 12 but as his teenage years rolled on that pain, anger and self-hate was numbed by using speed, Ice, MDMA, and alcohol.
Playing sports he once loved fell by the way side and once the addiction was “flat out” Kris wasn’t able to hold down a job, keep a stable home and relationships with family and friends started breaking down.
“I was a 20-year-old kid staying up for 2, 3, 4 days at a time on a bender but still trying to go to work.
“It’s just that cycle of addiction that went on and on and it just got worse. Destroying my life and mental health piece by piece. And I couldn’t see it!
“I don’t want to put all the blame back to my home life and childhood because as an adult you do have a responsibility to take charge and do something about it, but addiction really robs you of those choices.
“Every relationship I had was unhealthy. My girlfriends were victims of me hiding my addiction or when we were in addiction together it became a toxic relationship.”
By his early 30s, Kris said life was just full of mayhem.
“My mental health had deteriorated as well as every other aspect of my life. I was barely working.
“I pushed away everyone I loved because they wanted to help me, but I was too stubborn and full of pride to take it (help). I thought I could do it myself.
“The thing is that there’s sometimes more than one rock bottom and for me there was so many.
“Sometimes people need more than meetings and counselling, they need a peer-to-peer residential recovery program like transformations to completely rebuild their life.
“For me, I got to the point where I couldn’t get a job or even go to a job interview because I’d get high instead.
“Everyone in my family just looked at me like a hopeless drug addict and that was my reputation.”
That last rock bottom, fighting with the neighbours in a fit of rage and being evicted from his home, provided that light bulb moment that he had to do better.
Cries for help to family in the past had ended in heart break and disappointment when Kris never followed through.
The family had “rescued” him so many times before but the only way to stop enabling the addiction was to cut him off.
“As hard and unnatural as it is for a family to do this it really is what is necessary for a person to get their own will to change.”
So, it was a massive deal for Kris to build up the courage to ask his uncle for help and convince him that this time, the last time, was different.
“It was like the old AA saying I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.”
His uncle did give him one last chance by introducing Kris to Bayside Transformations, which more than changed his life. It gave him his life back.
The 32-bed, alcohol and other drug, and mental health recovery program has seen great success in Hervey Bay for over 12 years.
Men and women come from all over Australia to get recovery and the program provides evidence based, peer to peer faith-based supported community service that helps people recover from mental health and drug and alcohol addiction related issues.
It’s the only service of its kind between the Fraser Coast and Townsville.
“Everyone’s journey is different but when I found help, I was ready, especially after finding out it was a 12-month program where you live in the community and share a room. It was hard but it was worth it!
“I did pack my bags a couple of times along the way but there were so many good leaders that talked sense into me, and I just wanted to break that cycle – and I did that.”
Kris said the faith-based program set him on a positive path of healing and forgiveness.
“It was 100% Bayside Transformations that helped me through. They provided everything I needed.
“In addiction you destroy a lot of things, hurt a lot of people and miss out on a lot of opportunities and that destroys your identity, your self-worth and brings so much shame.
“I had to get healing, learn to nurture myself and rebuild my confidence. I also had to have courage to look at all of the unhealthy behaviours I had developed in addiction and with the help of CBT therapy at Bayside, I slowly replaced these behaviours and transformed my character.
“Self-love also looked like learning how to have healthy conflict and healthy relationships.
“For me, the spirituality was so important because Jesus’ message is that I was forgiven, and you have to forgive yourself.
“Christian or not, if you can’t forgive yourself, you are not going to be able to move on and heal from shame and guilt.”
Now, Kris has moved on and is kicking major life goals.
He is currently the Program Coordinator at Bayside Transformations where he has the extremely rewarding role of helping those facing the same journey he once travelled.
“I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to help so many more people every day.
“It’s an awesome feeling and a really fulfilling thing to experience. It doesn’t feel like a job it’s a calling to be part of turning people’s lives around.”
Kris has also completed his certificate 3 and 4 to become a qualified Personal Trainer, is training to be a director of a Transformations, has completed a Diploma in Community Services and for his biggest challenge yet, is about to start a Bachelor of Counselling in February.
That is after he returns from a trip to Argentina at the end of month with Pastor Mike Barret, CEO of Transformations, to spread the message of Jesus’ healing, and help set free thousands more from addictions.
“There’s plenty of good stuff happening and that’s all thanks to getting that inner healing and letting go of that shame.
“Family that cut me off are now so proud. They are not only talking to me again but they’re so proud that they want to be part of the things I’m doing.
“I have so many good things to offer the world, I’m proud of myself and I can use everything that wasn’t so good in my life as experience to connect and help others.”
Kris has set up a GoFundMe page for anyone who would like to help him on his journey to Argentina. Search ‘Flights to Argentina for Missions Trip’ to donate.
