Written by Michelle Robinson
Welcome to Life-Chat. This month our focus is on the health of your most important relationship – your relationship with YOU.
Don’t worry. I’m not offering advice you’ve heard before about needing to love yourself more or accepting that everything you think and feel is okay.
I’m offering you the chance to participate in a quick Relationship Checkup, and that relationship just happens to be with yourself. Let’s get started.
Here’s the key question.
Do your thoughts encourage you towards positive goals, or do they pull you down?
You see, each of us has an essential relationship with our thoughts. If our thoughts take the role of a coach, then they motivate us, help us to achieve our goals and steer us in the direction of our happiness. If our thoughts take the role of a saboteur, they will criticize us, tell us to quit and steer us away from potential happiness.
A healthy relationship with yourself means that your ‘inner voice’ assumes the role of an encouraging coach, rather than a destructive saboteur.
Which inner-voice do you hear?
Here are some Red Flag Thoughts that signal you have an inner saboteur. Notice whether any of these thoughts or similar thoughts apply to you.
• I hate looking in the mirror.
• I can’t forgive myself for mistakes I’ve made in the past.
• I’ll never trust love again.
• I have a critical voice in my head. It’s always pulling me down.
• I’ll never succeed. I may as well not try.
• It’s hard. Why not just give up now?
• I don’t like myself. I’m pretty sure other people just feel sorry for me.
These few statements represent some of the common thoughts that stop us from steering our lives in a positive direction. If I held those thoughts, would I back myself for a promotion at work?
Would I take a new opportunity that was offered to me?
Most likely, I would not. I would destroy my chance of happiness before even testing my own worth.
What can we do to improve our relationship with ourselves?
Some options are not difficult – they just take commitment. Here are a few ideas for you to consider.
If you like them, why not implement them immediately?
Stay aware of your thoughts. Catch the thoughts that insidiously suggest you ‘can’t do’ something that you would like to do. Throw them out of your mind like you would throw out rubbish. Remind
yourself, that you can choose to be happy. Every day is a new opportunity to add positive things to your life. That is within your control.
Watch your self-talk. Encourage and motivate yourself. Be kind.
Remember, you can choose to be a coach to yourself. That is also under your control.
Check your life’s direction. Are you satisfied with your lifechoices?
Are you steering yourself towards or away from your happiness? Listen to your intuition and your heart. How are your stress levels when you think about this question? If necessary, adjust your course.
A final word, for now. Do your best to let go of guilt, anger, resentment, and emotional pain. A healthy relationship with yourself requires an open and forgiving heart. If that feels like too big a step, just assure yourself, you can learn to let pain go, one day at a time. You can learn to be more gentle with yourself. Life is a journey of many steps.