By Dr. May Chi – Clinical Psychologist
“How do I know when I am being my authentic self?”
I get asked this a lot in therapy sessions. Sometimes I even ask myself this. Sitting across from my patients, I am present to what they tell me, in their words and in their behaviour over time. I embody a warm, positive, and unconditionally accepting stance. I provide reflective insights. But that’s not me; that’s my training, and I do it because I know that this helps people figure out who they are and what they want.
People think the authentic self is being able to act on any thought or feeling that arises in the moment. This can be harmful to yourself and your loved ones because momentary thoughts and feelings can be fleeting, misinformed, and reactionary. It is like saying a sailing boat’s authentic direction is however the wind is blowing on the day.
The authentic self is actually the person you choose to be in each moment where you are able to choose. That choice is based on what you hope for the world. Being your authentic self requires you to be aware of who you are and what you want in the moment you find yourself in.
So who are you? Take a moment to describe yourself. Not just your appearance, or the roles you have in your life, but what defines you. What are your strengths? What do you love about being alive? What do you want? Not just what you’re going to have for dinner, but what you’re trying to bring about in this world. What are your values? What is your north star?
What moment do you find yourself in? Take a breath. Notice what is happening around you. Is this a moment of freedom or relative restriction? Are you full of energy right now, or rather tired?
With all of this in mind, what is the next action you will take?
There it is. That’s your authentic self.